I do!! All the Time, and with my birthday 15 days away..I've been thinking about it a bit more. So I'm going to tell you my story. Hoping to in some way inspire you to find who you are and seeing your journey. We all have one and I love nothing more than to hear other people's testimonies. They just tickle me and inspire me to keep going when I don't feel like trying anymore.
This is always something very difficult for me. I hate talking about myself or answering those dreaded Bio descriptions. So..describe yourself? Ahh..let's see I like cats and collecting rocks! I can never really get any more in-depth than that. For this, I wanted to really dig deep, get personal and share some of my life with you.
I grew up, born and raised in Washington State. "Washington my home"...you know the song! I loved growing up there except for the dreadful raining cold weather. Being an only child was hard at times but I have always been good at finding ways to entertain myself. As a young kid, I was always in church and my parents can tell you countless stories about how I'd pray for anyone and walk up to grandmas at grocery stores and adopt them as my own. One of my favorites was when I was about maybe two or three and I stood on the church chair when everyone was praying in tongues and with my little fists in the air, pumping up and down, saying "Be Bah, Be Bah". My way of praying along I guess but looking back now and knowing more. I think I was secretly trying to tell them something!!
I broke my finger in the big church doors there as well. Still have the wicked scar on my ring finger. My mom knew the minute she heard me scream it was me that was hurt. You know that as a Mom, we all know our kids scream when they are really hurt. I was hurting so bad that night, couldn't sleep. She prayed for me and the next day I woke her up bending it in her face, saying "look Mama..it's healed."
I've always had a belief in God but have struggled along the way like anyone trying to walk that path. It's not easy and you make unwise choices. As a middle aged kid, I was good. Grew up riding horses. Had a farm with goats, dogs, cats and one time a rat, and a few lizards. I ran with my dogs, playing dog can't touch in the pastures and truly enjoyed life and what was ahead.
As I got older, I fought some personal battles of self-esteem, weight issues, and drug additions. Feeling good about myself has never been something that comes easy for me. I pick myself apart. I know all my flaws. I've fought with depression and anxiety, suicide..you name it. I still have down days that are more difficult but with God's help, I can get through it. That's been the only thing that has gotten me through it. I trust him for everything, talk to him about everything. Always praying, always asking, always seeking but that's me. I have been that way from the time I was a kid.
I truly enjoy helping others in any way I can. I want you to do well. If you have no one in your life that will stand by you, I will. I will encourage you and cheer about your triumphs! Tell me! I so love, love a good story or an amazing testimony. Let me cheer for you!! :)
21 I became a Mama and it changed my life. It gave me a purpose. A mission in life to raise this little girl up with a love for God and a heart for people. A few years later I had her sister. They are both just an amazing blessing. Every day I am so very thankful I was chosen to be their Mom. Incredibly funny, I'm always laughing so hard when I'm with them. Their hearts for each other is so strong and it makes me so proud of who they are becoming. I'm honored to be their Mom.
Relationships have always been very hard and I tend to get into abusive ones. Their Dad and I have had more bad days than I can say and I'm so disappointed in myself for allowing that, even a tiny bit. I try to take it one step at a time. I have faith in God and know that we all have a plan for our lives. I know He is directing my steps and can see his hand even in the bad times.
Looking back now I see certain things a different way. Like, as a kid it was easier for me to just stuff my feelings and not deal with them. Until that ugly moment in life when they raise their heads again. Don't do that, be honest. Even if that means it may hurt someone. Do it gentle but be honest! I've learned more about myself that ever and still learning every day.
Still I struggle with how I deal with my feelings, who is the real me? and every other crazy thing I can think of. It's a mess up there!
I know one thing, I love people. I love seeing others do well, hearing their stories of how they came from this and now are here. I could get much more personal about myself but truly that would be a book with all my outlandish stories. So I'll just say this, I've been there! Chances are good, I have walked that walk and if I haven't? I'm still doing to try to do my best to understand and show compassion. I don't believe your past has to dictate what you become. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's painful and Yes, God is the only thing that got me through that. Still does.
Life is hard, He said it would be. Stay faithful. Be an overcomer, and don't give up. I'm here to talk to or share stories with. Like I said I love hearing from people and knowing what God is doing in their lives. So don't be shy! I look forward to meeting you and thanks for letting me share more about my life with you.
Praying for you always!
Jenny <3 b="">
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